Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Princess Danielle and the Ocelot

Once upon a time there was a very ambitious princess. Her name was Danielle. Princess Danielle took many classes from her private tutors and worked very hard to do well in her studies. She also captained the kingdom’s enthusiasm dance group and worked in the palace kitchen making delicious coffees and other tasty beverages. All while having to deal with the numerous princes trying to court her and finding time to spend with her best friends, Princess Danae, Princess Chelsea, Princess Summer, Princess Liz, and best of all Princess Emi. As you can see, Princess Danielle was very busy!
Often Princess Danielle was found bustling from activity to activity; always busy. She would lay all her school books out on her bed and study until, frequently, she fell asleep in the middle of them. She ran from some activities to others, just to save time. It was getting out of hand. But Princess Emi, the eldest though not exactly the wisest of Princess Danielle’s princess friends, had a plan.
When the perfect opportunity arose, Princess Emi came bursting through the palace doors yelling for Princess Danielle and the palace medics. When Princess Emi had medics and Princess Danielle in tow, she bolted for the edges of the palace garden. Once there, the emergency was clear. A young ocelot lay wounded at the edge of a fountain. Princess Danielle took on the responsibility that Princess Emi knew she would. She arranged for the ocelot to be bandaged up and given a bed next to her own so that she could oversee the healing process.
Though time seemed to pass slowly, Princess Danielle was busier than ever. She studied, worked, danced, hung out, and somehow found time to play with the healing ocelot. Gradually, Princess Danielle began to fray. All the activities were wearing her out. Princess Emi was saddened by this rough, but crucial step in her plan.
One day, she cracked.
Princess Danielle uncharacteristically slammed glasses on the table, threw her books and blew off her friends. She locked herself in her room and fell onto her bed, too angry and exhausted to care about anything. The startlingly silver ocelot that had been named Tinsel jumped up next to her and meowed. Too tired to move, Danielle let Tinsel lay down with her.
Two hours later, Princess Danielle woke from her nap. Tinsel hadn’t moved. There was food and water sitting on the bedside table and Danielle decided she wasn’t so exhausted that she wouldn’t eat. She decided to share the meal with Tinsel. They munched in silence. When they finished, Princess Danielle pulled a ribbon out of her now-messy hair. Tinsel pounced on the trailing end. Amused, Princess Danielle and Tinsel played with the ribbon for quite some time.
“You know, Tinsel, I think I could learn a lesson or two from you.” Princess Danielle had taken a nap, neglected her studies, ate, and played with childish abandon. “I think you taught me that everything is good in (I forget what word should go here so I’ll use this one till I remember the right one) portion moderation. Some school is good but overloading isn’t. Friends are fantastic, but not all the time. Work is fun but it can’t be my life. Thank you, Tinsel.”
Princess Danielle and Tinsel left the princess’s bedroom and fell back in with palace life routine though Tinsel made sure to keep Princess Danielle in check.
And that is the story of how Princess Emi planned to change her friend though she didn’t know quite how well it would work.
The End.

This is for my dearest, bestest Friend Danielle who is a princess to me, if not everyone. She is very driven and taking 6 classes this year in high school all of which are honors or AP. She works at a coffee shop and is Cheer Captian. She has a boyfriend named Mich and is quite popular. I don't know how she finds enough hours in the day and I (semi)firmly believe that taking it down a notch would be just fine and beneficial for her.
Most all of the things in this story are true. She is friends with all those people and her brother just got a cat named Tinsel. She also had surgery.
Though... She hasn't learned to take time off quite yet. I'm hoping this story will help.
Oh! If you want a picture of a silver ocelot kitty that I imagine this Tinsel in the story would look like, there's one here -> http://media.photobucket.com/image/silver%20ocelot%20cat/missymotus/freewebs%2520-%2520breeding/Malika-1.jpg
Well. Dearest Danielle, here is your birthday story almost a full month late. But! I hope that it serves you well, teaches you a lesson, and, most importantly, makes you smile.
Love you lots, Danielly-smelly! <3

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Magical Moose

This story is one of two written by my "little brother" for me when I went to visit him in Washington. I plan on posting both of them.

Once upon a time, there was a magical moose named Lars Honeytoast. He hand Magic Powers. He could turn into a red pillow, or he could turn into a sneaker. One day, he went to see his moose buddy Frenchie Vonrickter. They went and blew toothbrush shaped bubbles at the park., Then they both started to get hungry, and walking home would take far too long. SO they decided too eat one of Frenchies chocolate shoes (every cool moose has them). Once they finished devouring his shoe, they realized something. Frenchie now only had three shoes! How would they get home? Our brave Hero Lars said "I shall carry you home!" So he did just that. When they got back to Frenchie's house, Lars was far too tired to walk home. SO they asked their parents if it was okay for Lars to stay the night. Mrs. Vonrickter said "it's fine by me, but we don't have any pillows." "Some rats ate them today," finished her husband. This was fine with them. SO they decided to lay on each other.
Moral of the story?
Mooses forget they have magical powers.

I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did! I need to be writing a birthday story for my BFF Danielle. So look for that in the next week or so.
<3 Emi

Thursday, November 25, 2010

I Guest Blogged!

The lovely and famous Rachel (some of you may remember her from Princess Anne Goes Missing) let me do a guest post on her blog (it's about my hair - I'm NOT kidding. But it is pretty legit). Check out a bit more of a serious side to me along with some pretty deep posts by the popular Rachel herself. :)
Click on the link!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Princess Haylie and the Sea Shells

Once upon a time there was a princess named Haylie. But Princess Haylie was very shy so she spent her time roaming the beaches searching for seashells. Her kingdom, Anaidna, was located on a beach. They fished and exported salt and jewelry made from the plentiful shells. But Princess Haylie turned the shells she collected into her friends. She took them skiing, hang gliding, and fed them raisins. They had a grand old time. But one day, Princess Haylie found a shell that was far prettier than the rest of her collection, she decided it was a boy shell and made it the prince of her shell-friends.
Over time, this prince shell became her favorite. One day, it spoke to her. It said "Hello, you are very kind. Please help me."
Princess Haylie promptly fainted, When she came around, the prince shell was more cautious when he spoke again. "Hello. Don't be alarmed. I am Prince Carlos. You are very kind to have saved me."
Princess Haylie was curious but cautious when she replied "what are you? Why can you talk?"
"I am actually a prince turned into a seashell by an evil warlock in my mountain kingdom of Odarloc. The warlock, Mortimer, wanted me to be never heard from again though he was mystically forbidden from killing me. Your kindness has given me the strength to speak again."
Princess Haylie and Prince Carlos continued to speak and they became true friends. Princess Haylie one day asked what she could do to go about restoring Princes Carlos to his human form.
"The spell can only be broken by bathing me in Apple Cider and obtaining a Sherpa Hood before seeking out Mortimer."
"Well, what do you do with the Sherpa hood?"
"I'm not sure," Prince Carlos replied, confused.
"Well, we should get going, then."
Princess Haylie went and asked the castle chef for a glass of warm Apple Cider. while the chef prepared that, Princess Haylie went to the tailor in residence what he knew and could do about a Sherpa hood. The tailor, though befuddled as to the reason the princess would need such a thing, he agreed to make one for her. Princess Haylie took the cider to Prince Carlos and let him bathe. Then, when the tailor brought the Sherpa hood, the two sneaked out of the castle to the stables where they mounted Princess Haylie's magical pony extraordinaire, Jinxie.
After many hours of riding, they had made their way to Mortimer's tower. They knocked tentatively.
“Who dares disturb my enjoyment of roasted marshmallows?” a voice boomed from inside.
Princess Haylie gulped. “Are you sure this is the only way, Prince Carlos?”
“I’m afraid it is, Princess Haylie.”
And so they answered Mortimer. He quickly let them inside.
“How do I break this curse,” Prince Carlos asked.
“I don’t know,” Mortimer said.
Princess Haylie cried. “I love him! But I can’t very well tell my parents that I’m in love with a shell!”
Prince Carlos was dumbstruck.
Mortimer was baffled. “You love this sorry excuse for a prince?”
“With all my heart.”
“They I’ll tell you what you need to know. The curse can’t be broken. Not until the moon is full while a chicken coats popcorn in soggy leaf paste.”
“I don’t believe you,” Princess Haylie cried. “Change him back!” She picked up a candle off the floor and held it to Mortimer’s chest.
“Alright, alright! Just put him on the table.”
Princess Haylie set Prince Carlos down on the table and Mortimer arranged some hairs, lint, cheesy chips and rasins around him. “Jabbaloo kiggup sniveralak,” Mortimer chanted. “Reegerv Malaga reconstituted noodle!”
And suddenly Prince Carlos was covered in a swirling green mist. After Princess Haylie cried out and fanned most of the mist away, a very handsome human Prince Carlos was left in place of the personified shell. They threatened to dip Mortimer in a vat of boiling ketchup if he ever used magic in a bad way again. Then they left. Prince Carlos proposed, Princess Haylie accepted and they lived happily ever after.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Princess Anne Goes Missing

This was written while sitting in Anne's and Rachel's dorm room. ... Yeah. My mind is a strange place.

P.S. I have another story with Princess Anne and Princess Rachel (and Princess Emi) in the works!

Once upon a time, there was a kingdom called Onaip. In Onaip. there lived two beautiful princesses named Anne and Rachel, though Anne was sometimes called Bean and Rachel liked Goat Yogurt. One day, Princess Anne went missing! Princess Rachel was frantic though she suppressed her feelings and did Humanities homework instedd (yes. I did spell it wrong originally and I am decidding to keep it that way. ;)). Princess Emi, from the neighboring kingdom of Supytalp came to Onaip to aide Princess Rachel in her search for Princess Anne. However, the two got distracted and went to dinner. But when they returned, there was Princess Anne! And they all lived/blogged happily ever after.
The End.

If the character of Princess Rachel intrigues you, you can creep/stalk her at http://vividry-melody.blogspot.com/

Friday, September 17, 2010

Princess Gini and the Gummy Bears

This was written for a dear friend's 19th birthday. I do hope that she enjoys it! I wrote this all in one sitting (quite rare) and probably in under 15 minutes (rarer still). So. 1:30am does good things for my brain, I guess.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Gini who lived in the grandest of kingdoms accurately named Grandeststand. She had long blonde hair and soft green eyes and she loved to write. One day, in her favorite garden, Princess Gini entertained herself by blowing bubbles. Her favorite way to blow them was to take the biggest bubble wand, dip it in then twirl around and watch the bubbles surround her. However, Princess Gini wasn’t alone. A gummy bear was watching her! When Princess Gini realized this, she called the gummy bear out of hiding. He introduced himself as Grrfurl. They blew bubbles together.
After a few weeks of friendship, Grrfurl shared with Princess Gini why he was in her garden. He explained that he had run away from home because his land, Spoonwarts, was being terrorized by people who ate gummy bears! Outraged by this horror, Princess Gini set out on her horse, Willow, with Grrfurl to reclaim Spoonwarts for the gummy bears.
The trek was long and the hills were mediocre, but somehow Princess Gini found the courage to keep going. When the dynamic duo finally made it to Spoonwarts, Princess Gini was appalled at what she saw. What Grrfurl told her was true! People WERE eating Grrfurl’s people! Princess Gini pulled out her bubbles and began to capture the villainous fiends inside of shiny, spherical prisons. The leader was singled out and Princess Gini began her plan for reform.
But when Princess Gini first saw the leader, she swooned so fiercely she almost fell over! He was atrociously handsome! After overcoming her mysterious attraction to the brute, she began small talk to get things rolling. She introduced herself and learned that he was Prince Haree, the only heir to Santabelly, the kingdom neighboring her own. She reasoned with the leader day and night but couldn’t seem to get him to understand.
Finally, on the third day, she got through to him. She explained that while, yes, gummy bears can be eaten, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have lives and wives and loves and fun all their own! Prince Haree finally understood. He agreed to stop the ruthless genocide of the gummy bears and promised to never harm Spoonwarts again.
Prince Haree was freed and Grrfurl decided to stay with his people. So Princess Gini headed home. However, Prince Haree was headed the same way. And, DUH, they decided to travel together. On their long, mediocre-hill filled trek home, Prince Haree decided that Princess Gini was beautiful, had nice eyes, a good laugh and made some pretty awesome cheese-covered bagles. So he asked her to marry him.
Overcome with feelings of fluff and flaph, Princess Gini agreed on one term: Prince Haree must promise to only wear black and green socks. And he must buy her a ring that looked like a tiara. Because they’re pretty much awesome.
The wedding took place within at least a year. And then they lived happily ever after in their combined kingdom of Santastand. Or maybe Grandestbelly. Whichever.
The End.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Dear Nicky-Nick

Written for a good friend's 18th birthday.

It was a dark and stormy night… It a TV studio! The actors were on set doing a run-through. Not actually filming. The step just before filming. Exciting, right? Not really. Anyway. The story was about a plumber, an intimidating college professor, a queen and a moral fence. Even the writer wasn’t exactly sure how it was going to work out. But that’s okay. He just kept munching his foreign celery. It was kind of an obsession of his. Korean celery, African celery, he just loved celery! Though his current favorite was Russian celery. Anyway.
“AAH!” screamed the actor playing the plumber.
“AAH!” screamed the actor playing the queen.
You see, they were watching a scary movie late at night. They were the best of friends. Yup. The plumber and the queen. It was an odd friendship, the writer admitted. But. They were introduced by an intimidating college professor who knew that both of them were on the same moral fence: are hamburgers delicious? However, this dark and stormy night, there was conflict.
“Foie gras is better!” the plumber cried.
“No! Ground beef is where it’s at!” the queen insisted.
They were totally off book now. So the writer and the director and the other people left the TV set and went home. The plumber and queen continued to argue…
And then the author scrapped the idea and started over.
It was a dark and stormy night… When two psychos were somehow friends. You see, they had been friends ever since they were unborn. Their moms met in childbirth classes. There were something you could call fetus friends. Anyway. They grew to be friends even after they were born! They went putt putting and swimming at McDonalds (don’t ask me how) and they even went to school together. But one day, they decided to do something cool. No. They decided to do something COOLER than cool. They wanted to LIVE in a VIDEO GAME. It was the ultimate dream. The man-psycho, Nick, wanted to live in Aion. And the lady-psycho, Emi, thought it would be kinda cool to live in Hyrule. So they set off to do the impossible.
They searched for years. They turned five, then ten, then fifteen. And that year they discovered a glitch! They could enter the world of RUNESCAPE. Excited and thrilled, the two transported via rune magic (“Senventior Disthine Molenko!”) to Lumbridge. From there, they branched out, acquired rune pickaxes and began to mine the ore they would need to build their machine. After mining and smelting and smithing and all, they finally had what they needed. They could build their machine.
With a little more rune magic and a talisman, they constructed their machine. It was great, it was grand! And hopefully, it would work. But it didn’t look like a telephone booth.
And then they had a spat.
But then the just sorta became friends again. Which was kinda odd. But good.
Their machine wasn’t mentioned, though. They would stay up late watching movies and trying to teach penguins to fly. And discussing “I don’t even game” games. It was quite interesting. But then they got close to turning 18. And their dream still hadn’t died. They began to plot and toil on their machine again. They didn’t go back to Runescape for more supplies, though. Just for a bit of fun, now and then. They had gotten pretty beast in that world and it wasn’t that much fun anymore.
They worked randomly discussing mac’n’cheese pizzas, how not to get killed in Aion and why what you wear in these games seems so important. And finally, their work paid off. Their fabulous machine was built and functional! It could teleport them into video games! Nick and Emi tried it out and were adventurous and beast at the games they played!
And then the machine got packed away because they were both going to college.
But they made a promise to not forget the fun adventures and the beast-ness that they shared. Because, oddly, they were friends. And that was pretty darn magical itself. More magical than a video game machine or mac’n’cheese pizza. And mac’n’cheese pizza… Well. That’s pretty magical.
The end.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Red Changes Lives

A beautiful friend (and princess herself), Chelsea, wrote me this beautiful story! With her permission, I present it to you.
P.S. Jared is a boy she met at camp who will be attending the same college as me.

Once upon a time there lived a lovely princess named Emi who wore a red dress. She ventured to Ohioinia for princess college where she studied how to become a princess fashion designer for red clothes. One day on her way to college, she slipped in some red snooberry jello. Before she fell, a handsome young prince named Jared James Earnest the third caught her in his arms. He was wearing red, too. This was love at first sight. Then they got married in a red jello castle with an orange chocolate microwave cake and yellow flowers and lived happily ever after. THE END
by the way- jared looks SUPER good in yellow ;)

Thursday, August 12, 2010


This was started long long ago for a dear friend named ChelseaBob. And today I finally finished it for her birthday. :D So. Here you go! Enjoy!!

Once upon a time, there was a great storm in the land of Noodletopia. This was quite the tragedy seeing as all the buildings and everything had been constructed out of noodles. With their city reduced to soggy pasta, the Noodletopians, lead by their brave king and fair queen set off to find a new home. However, only a few days into this dangerous journey, the quite timid princess of Noodletopia expressed her fear of this unknown newness.
"I'm afraid of this unknown newness," said the princess.
"My dearest Fiori," said her father, King Farfalle. "We must continue on this journey. We have nowhere else to go."
"Please try to stay strong," joined in her mother, Queen Fettuccine. "We are the example for our people. If we have hope, they will too."
So Princess Fiori set her jaw and continued on. On their 5th day of searching, they were presented with a grassland. Being wary and careful to watch out for zebras and warthogs, they journeyed onward. After a long morning of walking and constant fear, everyone was beginning to get a bit paranoid. So they stopped for a quick rest.
Princess Fiori knelt down beside a small pond and took a drink. The water quickly came out her nose when a giraffe started talking to her. The water and the giraffe-fright startled Princess Fiori so much that she got the hiccups (sorry, I'm cheating).
"I'm sorry, my dear" the giraffe drawled. "My name is Shelby and I was wondering why you are here in Sairlind."
Princess Fiori coughed. "What is Sair-hic-lind?"
"Oh, my dear! Sairlind is the name of the grassland you are in! Are you lost?"
"Well, sorta," Princess Fiori answered, fighting her hiccups. "I'm Princess Fiori and my kingdom was -hic- destroyed by rain. So -hic- my family and the villagers are searching for a -hic- new home."
"Well, Princess Fiori. I would be glad to be your guide to a new home!"
And with that, Princess Fiori, still hiccuping, lead Shelby to her mother and father where they continued on their journey.
Somehow, King Farfalle and Queen Fettuccine were not at all surprised to find their daughter leading a talking giraffe to them. They both gladly accepted Shelby and her aide.
"You must stargaze," Shelby instructed.
And so they did.
The next day, Shelby instructed them to play chubby bunny.
And so they did. Reluctantly, though.
And the next day, still in Sairlind, Shelby instructed them to celebrate Princess Fiori's birthday!
"How did you know?" Fiori asked, bewildered.
"I know everything, my dear!"
"Then why can't you tell us how to get out of here?" King Farfalle demanded.
"Well... I... Uh... I was lonely."
So King Farfalle, Queen Fettuccine and Princess Farfalle took pity on her and promised to let her live on the castle grounds as soon as they found a new palace. And so, with this promise, Shelby led them to a new land for them to build a kingdom. They hired workers and asked the neighboring kingdoms for help. One valiant prince offered his help personally. The royal family readily accepted the help of this Prince Matt.
They worked and worked and after a while, their working paid off! They had built a new kingdom and made this one waterproof. They even built Shelby her own giraffe house!
But over the working time, Prince Matt and Princess Fiori fell in love. So, after the new kingdom was built, they joined their kingdoms together. And Prince Matt had an elephant named Ralf! And Shelby and Ralf got married too.
And they all lived happily ever after!
The end.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Princess Kim and the Flying Cars

This is both a birthday present for a dear friend (sweet little Asian-Kim) and one of my personal challenges (which I clearly fail at). It is a combo of what Kim requested (flying cars that grow mustaches) and a suggested plot from SeventhSanctum.

Once upon a time, there was a distant planet filled with cars. The planet was shaped, oddly enough, like a tea bag. The cars that inhabited this planet endearingly named it Ishnes. The capital of Isnhes is also its most visited town, a very touristy place.
One day, after watching plenty of people pass through his kingdom, the king of Ishness grew angry. "Tazoya!" King Subearl yelled for the royal spineless wigmaker.
"Yes your highness?" Tazoya cowered.
"Make me different," King Subearl bellowed. "Hundreds of thousands visit this place. I want to stand out!"
"H-how shall I accomplish that," Tazoya stuttered.
"Grow me... A mustache!"
"But... Sir."
"Yes! I think a mustache shall do nicely! Now get to work you spineless wigmaker!"
The spineless wigmaker scurried from the room.
Over the next few days, Tazoya tried, erred and tried again to make King Subearl grow a mustache. But it was not to be. King Subearl grew angry and stormed around, coating most everything in the palace with car exhaust. Tazoya grew even more frightened and spineless until it hit him. He would form a fake mustache and stick it on King Subearl. If it didn't fool the king, then it would at least buy Tazoya some more time. Yes. He thought it was a fine plan.
"Your highness! I have completed your mustache work!"
King Subearl was rudely awakened from his vehicular slumber. "Hurrrrruhhh... What did you say, Tazoya? And why the blazes is my lip itchy?!"
"It's your new mustache, Highness!"
"Ah! Yes! Good work," King Subearl praised. "Now get out of my room."
Tazoya left and King Subearl began to comb his mustache. "Ah, my pretty. I shall be the only one on Ishnes to have one of you... No one else shall."
Of course, the peoples (well, cars really) of Ishnes saw King Subearl's mustache and immediately wanted one! Tazoya was getting too many orders to even think of keeping up with.
"King Subearl, I'm getting too many mustache orders to even think of keeping up with!" Tazoya spinelessly moaned.
"Good!" the king bellowed. "I don't want you to make anyone else grow a mustache! I will be the only one with a mustache!"
"What is this I hear?" the lovely and fair Princess Kim asked as she rolled into the grand room.
"Well, I... I just..." King Subearl failed to make a coherent sentence. Princess Kim tended to intimidate people.
"You think you have the authority to place a monopoly on facial hair? I am questioning your sanity, dear father."
Princess Kim was pretty smart.
"I... But... Wait. Huh?"
King Subearl was pretty not smart.
"Well, I just wanted to stand out from the masses of tourists."
"Father, you DO stand out! You are king, after all."
"I suppose you are right, my princess. I suppose you are right."
And so they celebrated Princess Kim's birthday where she drove with only the handsomest princes. And one even asked to marry her! His name was Prince Suju.
And then all the cars on Ishnes discovered this account of their activities and revolted against the author.
But Princess Kim and Prince Suju drove the night away together and lived happily ever after.
The end.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Once Upon A Wednesday

This beautiful tale was written by a dear friend while we and another friend hung out at a coffee shop wearing mustaches made of construction paper. It was one of the best days of my life and one of my fondest memories. Green/Michael (friend) wrote this story but it stars both me and Jessica/Javela (other friend). I hope that he doesn't mind me posting this here. Please enjoy.
P.S. This is the first story being posted from my NEW LAPTOP! :D
P.P.S. I wish you could see the beautiful pictures that Green drew to go with this story.

Once upon a Wednesday, in The Future! 2 hundred banana spiders set off on a crate of fruit to find the fabled bullfrog of power. But there was a problem... 3 obstacles stood in their way!
1. A blue dragon who breathed poison apples
2. A village of singing rocks (who only sing Katy Parry songs)
3. The cave of mildly bothersome breezes! (Gasp!)
So the 2 hundred banana spiders journeyed to find the bullfrog of power and learn about the art of making caramel apples (Apples!). After flying their fruit crate for a day and a half, the spiders came across the 1st obstacle. Everything grew cold, and the writing changed colors... "Halt!" said a voice. "Who disturbs my slumber party!" said the voice again. The spiders wanted to leave, but their self esteem coach, Ollie the Flying Walrus said, "No! You have to learn how to make caramel apples so that you don't die of hunger." he said. The dragon angered back, "I have apples to spare... Poison Apples!" The dragon laughed a mean laugh, "Ha Ha Ha! Ha!" The spiders took out their prison shivs (I can't read those two words) and stabbed the dragon in the legs. "Ouch! My legs!" said the dragon (in a different color) "I will be nice now suddenly!" "Hooray!" cried the banana spiders and Ollie (also in a different color).
Then they left, and ran into the 2nd challenge! OH NO! The singing rocks were singing loudly Katy Parry songs, and it hurt the ears of the spiders to hear them. "We are rocks" said the mayor of the singing rock village and left. Luckily the 2 hundred banana spiders had prepared for this and deployed their emergency earmuffs, but they had only 174 earmuffs! So 26 spiders died. Oh well, life goes on. SO the spiders and an Orangutan continued on their way to the 3rd challenge. This was the hardest obstacle yet. Color change!
Luckily Emi, Jessica, and Green were there to help them! They blocked the remaining 174 spiders from the breezes in the cave of mildly bothersome breezes! (Gasp!)
"We are bothered!" They yelled. The spiders felt bad that their friends were upset, but not too bad. "Are you ok?" They asked. "Indeed! The breezes are not that bothersome, only slightly so. Our mustaches far outweigh the peril. Ho! Travel onwards our many legged companions!
Finally, the team emerged from the cave. "Thank you!" yelled the spiders. "Away!" Emi, Michael (Green), and Jessica triple yelled back, as the donned their space suits and flew back to their Ice Cream moon base.
The 174 spiders had finally reached the bullfrog of power. "I am the bullfrog of power! Behold my power-ness and fantastic coolness." he croakified.
"We want to learn how to make caramel apples so that we don't starve." The spiders said.
"I wish that I could help, but alas, i know not the secrets of caramel apple making." the B of P cobbed, in a nice green color. The spiders said, "No problem! Do not cry, for we have a self-esteem walrus with us!"
And Ollie coached the bullfrog of power to be happy with his body image, and together thy created the internet, so that they could learn how to make caramel apples!
And then they had a giant party!
The end.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Don't get too excited. This isn't a new story. :(
I just wanted to let the o.1141694763111 people that actually read this blog know that I have lots of exciting things in the works!

My newest Self Challange: Princess Kim and the Flying Cars. It's a (late) birthday present for a dear friend.
Then Bertha the Mermaid which I have had the idea for a long time. As well as BellaBeth the Alien.
And then there's Noodletopia which is also for a dear friend.
And then. Princess Jami and the Great Chikin' Battle. Also for another dear friend.
And Javela and the Vampire Gerbils. For another dear friend.
Oh, and maybe the Midday Chronicles of Red. It's about a ginger vampire who falls in love with clumsy and mopey average-girl Ella. Jami's helping with that one.
Anyway. Now you know. If you actually reply and let me know which one you want most, maybe I'll work on getting that one finished up.
So it goes.

<3 and thanks a million for actually reading these!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Chipmunk Dreams

This was sent to NickyNick (via text message) last night/this morning. He didn't reply. I wonder why. Did grandma swallow the fly? Perhaps she'll die.

Once upon a time there was a rabid chipmunk. The rabid chipmunk, Sal, spent his time chasing cars and jumping on crunchy leaves. One day Sal ran into a coconut wizard. The wizard promised Sal that he could help him achieve his dream. So the coconut wizard turned Sal into a dog. But Sal the dog chased mailmen. And surprisingly didn't have rabies. The end.

As you can tell, last night was not a good night for bedtime stories for me. :(
(I wrote this story and Creme Brulee last night.)

Frog Noms

This was sent to the fabulous Lindsay D. (via text message) a while ago. It made us both want a churro.

Once upon a time there was a tiny frog. He didn't get stuck on a windshield but he did hitchhike to Peru. He did so by taming a wild turtle and eating fies. Of course. When he got to Peru, he decided to eat a delicious churro. Because they're tasty. The end.

Creme Brulee

Hopefully the first in a series of challenges. I hope to take a "story" from http://seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=storygen and then flesh it out and write it. Though, for this first one, the hard part was giving it a title.

Once upon a time, there was an erratic chemist. The chemist, a lovely lady named Thalia, was also a princess. She would lock herself away in her tower (all the best princesses have one) and mix and pour and study for hours on end.
One day, Princess Thalia put on a pretty traveling cloak over her lab coat and set off into the village in search of an ingredient she needed. She arrived at the shops and made her way through the various stalls looking and looking for this certain ingredient.
After many stalls and stores, she finally found a stop that looked like it might carry the item she was after. Dipping her head as she entered the store, Princess Thalia began to peruse. She didn’t notice the dark hooded man behind her. But he clearly noticed her.
Finally, at a random time, the hooded man pulled out a dagger and held it to the small of the princesses back. “Come with me, or risk the consequences,” he forcefully whispered in Thalia’s ear.
Frightened as she should be, the princess shot the clerk a frightened look. However, the clerk pretended to not notice and continued to clean the counter. He was quite the unheroic clerk.
Slowly, the hooded man lead Princess Thalia to the exit and then into an alleyway. It was dark, of course. The hooded man quickly blindfolded Thalia and tied her hands behind her back before leading her on again.
After much pointless walking, the hooded man finally removed the blindfold. Princess Thalia quickly surveyed her surroundings, hopelessly searching for an exit. Turning her attention back to the hooded man, she spat “why have you brought me here?”
Ever calm, and quite possibly stupidly so, the hooded man replied “I am an investor. And I am in love with a beautiful girl. I have heard of your chemist talents and I hope to use you to win her love.”
“Why should I help you,” Princess Thalia growled.
“Because I have you kidnapped and you’ll get bored. Plus, I have cinnamon.”
Taken aback, Princess Thalia had to compose herself. “Cinn.. Cinnamon? YOU have cinnamon?!”
“Fine. I’ll do it,” Thalia resolved.
And so she set to work chemisting her chemist things. Mixing, pouring, measuring and more. After hours of slaving away, her work was complete.
Thalia shoved a dish in front of the hooded man. “Here. The perfect creme brulee.”
“And it will win me her heart?”
“Of course! No one can resist the creamy and sweet creme brulee!”
The hooded man had his love sent into the room. She was a pretty girl with smooth hair. She sat at the table and the hooded man pushed the creme brulee in front of her. She took a bite. Shock crossed her face! Then a look of bliss. Thalia smirked. Her creme brulee was famous!
And then the shock continued. The girls face twisted and then puffed up. Then the girl fell out of her chair. Thalia jumped up and checked the girls pulse. Dead.
The hooded man spoke up with a small voice. “Does creme brulee have milk in it?”
“Well, yeah,” Princess Thalia responded. “Hence the CREME.”
“Then that explains it. She was severely lactose intolerant.” He seemed sad. “I didn’t even know her name.”
“Wow,” Princess Thalia said. “You ARE stupid.”
“Anyway, here’s your cinnamon.” And with that, the hooded man sent Princess Thalia, the eccentric chemist, on her way.

The end.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Princess Henrietta

Quite strange backstory to this one. I was on MysteryGoogle and got the mission (this was a long time ago when this was still allowed) to text someone a bedtime story. So I did. She ended up loving both platypus and unicorns so this worked out quite well. I'm not quite sure why it ends in a speaker-less quote but that's how the original was.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful platypus named Henrietta. She was the princess of the Island Kunupkik and spent her time strol
ling about its purple sand beaches. One day, while strolling, Henrietta came across a strange creature laying on the beach of Island Kunupkik. Nervously, Priencess Henrietta poked the odd creature. It bolted upright at once and Henrietta saw that it had a mustache. "Who and what are you?" Priencess Henrietta asked. The mustached creature answered "I am prince Sammie from the Island Deltoidia and I am a unicorn. Who and what are you?" "I am Priencess Henrietta of Island Kunupkik and I am a platypus." they proceeded to walk the beach until the sun set. "Princess Henrietta, let's live happily ever after."

Herald the Worm

This was a bedtime story sent via text message to the lovely Kumar. She is the one who suggested that I make my bedtime stories into a blog.

Once upon a time, there was a worm named Herald. And Herald didn't want to be a worm. Which was sad because you should always wish to be what you are. Anyway. One day, Herald was worming his way around and he stumbled upon a pile of glitter. Well, he didn't stumble. Because I don't think worms can stumble. But Herald thought the pile of glitter was awesome so he stole it. And Herald stored it under his bed! But what Herald didn't know is that he stole magic glitter... And the glitter turned him into a butterfly! You see, magic is weird and glitter is awesome and worms are gross. And the glittery weirdness didn't mix well with Herald's wormness. The end.

Monday, May 31, 2010

The Adventures of Pammie-Wammie and Frandolino

This was written for my fabulous mother, Pam, for Christmas two years ago. Last year, I gave her a sequel. :)

Pammie-Wammie was a sweet young woman that loved chocolate and computers and hated dirty dishes. She had a pet fish, the wonderful Frandolino, who liked to eat chocolate with her and never dirtied any dishes. They were the best of friends.

It was an ordinary day, Pammie-Wammie was munching on some cocoa puffs while Frandolino just glub-glubbed his way along when the ungrateful family beast, Dabume, dropped a stack of icky-sticky dishes into the sink. Pammie-Wammie cried out, “Can’t you at least rinse your dishes? I hate dirty dishes!”

Dabume just grunted and retreated back into its lair under Pammie-Wammie’s computer room. Pammie-Wammie sighed and rested her chin in her hands. “Frandolino, does Dabume hate me? He knows I hate dirty dishes.”

Frandolino just glubbed.

Pammie-Wammie decided to teach Dabume a lesson so she ignored the dishes and continued to for days. She ate chocolate and played computer games and talked to Frandolino while Dabume’s yucky-mucky dishes continued to pile up.

Pammie-Wammie came downstairs the sixth day of dish-ignoring and found Frandolino gone! There was a ransom note by the mountain of icky-sticky, yucky-mucky dishes. It said that if Pammie-Wammie ever wanted to see poor Frandolino again, she’d have to go where Dabume had taken him, the Land of Dirty Dishes!

Pammie-Wammie nervously ate some Oreos as she stared at her computer screen, wondering what she should do. Finally, she typed ‘Land of Dirty Dishes’ into Google, hoping for some answers. Thankfully, the helpful paperclip showed up on the screen and provided her with a map to the hated land.

With a freshly printed map to the Land of Dirty Dishes, Pammie-Wammie set off to find Frandolino. Her first stop was the local 9-to-5 to pick up a Coke and a chocolate churro. Churros were Frandolino’s favorite.

She could almost hear Frandolino glub.

Her next stop was the dreaded white table forest. As Pammie-Wammie snaked her way through the hospital-table wannabes, she nervously munched on her chocolate churro. And by the time she reached the third part of her adventure, it was gone.

Pammie-Wammie found herself on a boat once she was through the white table forest. A calming boat ride did her conscience some good but not the chocolate churro. When she reached the fifth part of her journey, her face was green from the combination of the boat ride and chocolate churro not agreeing.

The fifth leg of her journey shocked Pammie-Wammie, she was back at her own house! Cautiously, she opened the door and softly called, “Dabume? Are you here?” Dabume didn’t answer.

Frandolino didn’t glub either.

Pammie-Wammie sighed while she made her way through the long hallway to the computer room, right next to the kitchen. She sat down at her desk and promptly shredded the map. Obviously, the paperclip was a brat. It had told her that her own house was the dreaded Land of Dirty Dishes.

In need of more chocolate, Pammie-Wammie went to the fridge to get her secret stash of chocolate pudding that she kept for emergencies such as this. When the pudding was gone, all too soon, Pammie-Wammie set her cup and spoon in the sink, then slumped down to the floor, not bothering to reach her desk.

Wait, thought Pammie-Wammie, she’d actually put her dishes IN the sink? She jumped to her feet and peered timidly into the silver basin, only to find her dirty cup and spoon, and Frandolino! Pammie-Wammie squee’d in excitement, before she hugged Frandolino’s bowl to her chest. “I’ve missed you so much!”

Dabume slunk up behind her and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry for all that, Pammie-Wammie,” he said, scratchily. “But I needed you out of the house in order to take care of these dirty dishes. And that was the only method I could think of.”

“Well,” Pammie-Wammie considered her response carefully. “You’re forgiven, I suppose. So long as you promise to rinse your dishes from now on.” Dabume gruntingly agreed and they both signed the treaty of Dish-Wash-ika.

And Frandolino glubbed.

The Legend of Jacquelyn Sonja Irabeli

Please enjoy the rather morbid short story I wrote in 8th grade based on a picture of a beautiful woman with dark hair, rich lips, pale skin and a lovely hat. Also, please pardon the awkward terribleness of this, I did write it in 8th grade, many years ago.

“Some claim it’s a myth. Some claim that it’s just a made up story. Some believe it to be true. But few believe the actual truth.

“Many people knew Jacquelyn Sonja Irabeli before the tragedy of her death. And when most of the many learned the truth, they forever kept their distance and created stories that now swarm the inhabitants of small town Mironda and people even believe these made up stories themselves, replacing truth with fiction. People have said that she was always bad luck; that odd things seemed to happen in her presence. That’s just one of the many myths that were created. Jacquelyn’s death was her rising moment. It’s strange how people often gain a status of fame shortly after death.

“This tragic death of which I speak is the true story of Jacquelyn Sonja Irabeli. I am only one the few that knows the reality of her life and death and can tell all of the truths from the myths. Though I will bet you that I am one of the only people that will actually tell you the facts. Stay if you wish to listen, leave if you do not. For what I tell you from here on is the actual story and if you have problems with it you should have left.

“Jacquelyn’s green eyes and medium length, thick, wavy, golden hair most often found in a classy style, kept her popular with boys and things that she wore were a must in any girl’s wardrobe. You must be thinking that Jacquelyn could be nothing but the happiest girl in the world. Well she wasn’t. The emerald orbs few call eyes, but myths call a demon’s curse, held nothing, and seemed to have scars running through them as bold as wrinkles on someone’s face that has come of age. The emerald voids that were her eyes were wounded from being hurt emotionally too many times. But in her death she gained something. Equivalent exchange, right? It’s the way of the world. To get something you must first give up something of equal value. She gained a peace of mind and the happiness she had longed for her whole life and thought she would find only in love. And now she roams the world of spirits and haunts the world of the living, Jacquelyn’s peace of mind accenting her mocking and sarcastic personality as a ghost.

“To everyone Jacquelyn’s life seemed grand. To her she would simply state ‘If home is where the love is and love is where the trust is, then I guess I’m homeless.’ You can see that she had some problems but one day Jacquelyn just couldn’t take any more. Expectations, expectations, expectations. Everyone expected Jacquelyn to grow up to become more beautiful than when she was a child. To wear only the finest white silks and laces, designer hats galore. Her lips were to be a shade of cherry red that never faded. But she would never get the chance.

“It was a day like any other. Boys were swarming around her from the moment she stepped out of her house, ‘til the moment she stepped back in after school. It is here that our story begins.

“Jacquelyn had just walked in the front door of the house she and her family shared, leaving a mass of disappointed boys outside. Her mother’s job as an interior designer kept her away from home a lot, while her father’s job as a chef caused him to come home late most nights, this night being no exception. This night was no different, leaving Jacquelyn alone in the house.”

The children stared at the old storyteller, Ms. Ame, mouths agape due to the mystifying story, eyes wide in wonder and fear of what would happen next. Unbeknownst to them, their parents were behind them, not knowing whether to be madder at Ms. Ame or their children.

“Ryan” one angry father yelled at his son, “get away from her! She shouldn’t associate with people, none the less CHILDERN!” He seemed to spit out the word ‘her’ and ‘she’-as though she wasn’t there and was the most hated of villains.

More yelling was heard from other parents as they couldn’t decide whether to be panicked, afraid, or angry.

“Why, father?” the boy now identified as Ryan questioned.

“Because,” his father retorted “She is evil! And her lies will taint your mind! She will brainwash you! All her stories are LIES!” he spat.

Over the next few minutes, Ms. Ame witnessed the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles drag the children away from herself. Ms. Ame now seemed to turn to the audience. “Will you listen to my tale? Bah, of course you will. You didn’t leave when I gave the warning. Now where was I…” Ms. Ame seemed to ponder-her mind troubled by something or other though her last sentence was filled with a kind of satiric humor for the telling of her Jacquelyn’s death seemed to soothe her mind-lift something off of her chest. “Ah, yes, I remember now. Child, you listen to the truth, ya hear?”

The story struck up again, continuing where it had been left off-like someone had just pushed the pause button and was now pushing play. “Her father’s expectations for Jacquelyn were much too high for her to meet. Having had a big science test earlier that day that her father knew about, he was, of course, eager to hear of her markings on it. Science being Jacquelyn’s worst subject, she had received a low score, angering her father when he came home and saw the mark. After eating a small dinner and being ‘punished’ by her father’s angry yelling’s, Jacquelyn was sent up to bed.

“Though that was only to the knowledge of her father. Jacquelyn had actually escaped through her upper bedroom window, running free-with a bag containing a few things-to one of Mironda’s small department stores. Once there, she made her way to the back where woman’s clothing was located and quickly picked out a fancy dress along with some fine and expensive jewelry. After paying for the clothing and accessories, she made her way to another small store where she changed into the clothing.

“Dashing down the street to her next stop (which happened to be a very ritzy hotel) she produced some money from her bag, asking to stay in a suite. After paying and settling into the room, one last item was produced from the bag. A knife.

“Flicking the knife open, a pause in space, matter, and time itself seemed to settle over the room as Jacquelyn prepared herself for something that would affect the town of Mironda for, perhaps, the rest of its existence.”

Jacquelyn smiled down on her best friend, Ame, as she finished telling the story to those that would listen to the truth. Jacquelyn’s ghost had come back to tell Ame, her best childhood friend, about what she had done. Ame told the story of Jacquelyn to all that listen, though most turned deaf ears. She went on like this until some believed she was a witch, speaking in only lies and riddles, tricking them all. And over the years, the stories accumulated.

Some claim it’s a myth. Some claim that it’s just a made up story. Some believe it to be true. But few believe the actual truth.

The Silly Barrette Who Loved Art

This was actually sent off to colleges as my college essay. Please enjoy.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who only wore dresses and skirts if they flew out around her when she twirled. The little girl, Emi, spent her time roaming the skies in search of the perfect idea for an art project.
On her journey through the skies, Emi came across several strange sandals. One was a flip-flop named Danielle. They were fast friends. Later, Emi and Danielle came across a specific purple bag named Jami. They were fast friends, too. The three were the best of friends and toured the celestial art communities together. Emi spent much time doing art one of which featured Danielle as an elf and Jami as a mermaid and another which was a blob drawn on and morphed by various people that helped.

Emi, Danielle and Jami thought of visiting the ever-popular (and elusive) Cloud Nine where people were making the 'American Dream' come true: enough sunshine dust to finance their spacious sky-home. Her soul resistant to the though of the chains of such a mundane purpose in life, Emi continued to do the minimum to get by and continued to follow her dream to pursue art.
One day, passing yet another cloud with a silver lining, Jami asked "how in the four-and-a-half skies do we find the perfect art project idea?" This question stumped Emi; she'd been looking for so long, she'd just about forgotten how to look anymore. However, with some quick thinking, she whipped up an answer within moments. She told Jami and the agreeing Danielle that in order to find the perfect Art project idea, they needed six bugs, enough confetti to fill a pool, lots of people throwing balloons of paint at a canvas and the perfect glass of lemonade. Oh, and God.
Jami and Danielle agreed. Their effervescent friend was right. They set out again, this time heading to a new and unexplored realm through an unknown dark gray fluffy mass. A hedgehog warned them of the danger but they pressed forward, determined to explore part of the sky they hadn't seen before. They snapped cautiously to warn off the terrifying, flying ants. A bright flash blinded the three travelers and a great clap drowned out their snapping. Hard of hearing and near blind, Emi, Danielle and Jami huddled together, moisture thick on their bodies. Suddenly, they were moving and their eyesight and hearing was coming back. They had been moved to a lovely, gray warehouse called Cup of Heaven where six butterflies stood, guarding their king.

Mattatogie, their king, was waiting to question them. "How in the four-and-a-half skies do we find the perfect art project idea?" he asked, desperation staining his voice.
Nine terrifying, flying ants closed in around them. They were named World, Flesh, Temptation, Depression, Hate, Homework, Cuss, Drugs and Math.
Terrified, Emi hurriedly looked around the room. There were 22 watercolor sets, seven lemons, 12 jars of acrylic paint, 95 tubs of glitter and more. The butterflies, called Peace, Joy, Faith, Honesty, Chemistry and Insanity, watched Emi with intensity, awaiting her response.
"By the four-and-a-half skies," she exclaimed, turning to Jami and Danielle. "We've found the perfect art project!"
Quickly, King Mattatogie, his butterfly warriors, Emi, Jami and Danielle rushed to carry out Emi's instructions. The butterflies began squeezing lemons, Emi rounded up the confetti. Jami, Danielle and King Mattatogie prepared the paint filled balloons. As if rehearsed, they each came together on Emi's word, the butterflies passing out lemonade, Emi jumping into a confetti pool and King Mattatogie, Jami and Danielle throwing the paint-filled balloons at one of the walls. As the falling confetti settled, the 9 terrifying, flying ants were nowhere to be seen and the confetti was sticking to the paint covered wall. It was perfect.
"In the four-and-a-half skies," they breathed as they looked at their creation. "We've found the perfect art project idea."
They sat back and sipped their butterfly-prepared lemonade, enjoying their community created art. After all, the perfect glass of lemonade requires personal ingredients: life, sunshine, good friends and art. Their own creation, their own art made it all worth it.

Mattatogie offered the three the chance to stay and continue to pursue art in his institute and Emi readily accepted, eager to expand her horizons and continue to find the perfect art projects.
And so, in short, life is all about finding six bugs, enough confetti to fill a pool you didn't know was there, lots of people throwing balloons of paint at a wall and making the glass of lemonade perfect. Oh, and God.

A Chicken To A Fish

I actually wrote this one WITH my little brother, the same one who inspired the Gustav trilogy. We alternated, each writing the next part of the story. Then I got tired and fell asleep and he finished it off with the brilliant "Chapter Two."

One day a chicken named Von Fabio decided that because he could not fly he wanted to be able to swim. So. Von Fabio went to a well known eatery and purchased a cake. But this was not an ordinary cake. For it contained special ingredients. A condor egg, 2 and a half pounds of diamonds, and a loaf of Gouda cheese. Von Fabio took his strange cake home and put it in his bathtub which was painted all the colors of a bright rainbow! He then got in to this colorful bathtub to start eating his cake. But with rainbows comes rain, as we all know. His shower suddenly turned on!
"Lets run to the dresser for cover!" Von Fabio shouted to no one in particular.
So he ran as fast as he could to the dresser, narrowly dodging some water and then it happened. The water hit the cake!
"Lets run to the dresser for cover!" the cake shouted to no one in particular.
Von Fabio stared at the cake in wonderment as it sprouted fins and swam through the air towards the dresser and floated beside him. But the cake couldn't breathe! He was like a fish out of water! So Von Fabio took it in his hands and ran back to the bathtub. But the water had washed away the rainbow paint and the shower had stopped! No water to be found! But being a fast thinking chicken, Von Fabio ran for the sink!
As he was running the cake started to drip from his hands, the fish said one word to Von Fabio. "Ocean." Von Fabio made it to the sink and knew what to do. As if he were an otter, Von Fabio pulled the cake apart like a sea urchin and feasted! After a minute or so the deed was complete. the cake was gone. nothing happened at first. But then he felt strange. And then he had a sudden craving for water.
"Lets run to the dresser for water!" Von Fabio shouted to no one in particular.
So he did just that. But when he arrived he found not only was it full of cups of water, but there was also a tunnel about his size filled with water. After downing enough water to quench him momentarily, he took some of the cups and turned them into puppets (or cuppets, as some call them). That way he would not have to shout to no one in particular, he could shout to the cuppets.
Then Von Fabio said to the cuppets "Let us journey through the tunnel!" He picked them up and they did just that.

Chapter 2: The Land of Bright Colors
And as they swam, they ooh'd and ahh'd at the beautiful colors in the tunnel. And then there was a bright light ahead. It was a giant cavern! There lay a gigantic ruin filled with statues mostly with their faces missing. One of the crumbling statues looked like it might be a giraffe inscribed with the word "Shelby." Another looked sort of like an elephant inscribed with "Ralf." But one in the center was completely unharmed. He swam closer for a better look. It was a giant fish with the inscription "Von Fabio." As he looked closer at the fish, he gazed into the eye of the statue and could just not look away! He was paralyzed by what seemed to be the beauty of this statue. And he felt like this statue was pulling him in! Joe, one of the cuppets, said "Don't do it! it's a trap!" Another cuppet, Claire, said "Mr. Fabio, whatever you do, don't go towards the light at the end of the tunnel!" But it was too late, after staring at the eye for a while, Von Fabio suddenly sprouted fins, and changed into the shape of the gigantic fish statue!

And this is how a chicken named Von Fabio turned into a giant fish.

Davie And The Space Bunyips

I wrote this for my dad, Dave, for Christmas.

Once upon a time there was a boy named Louis. But he went by Davie because his dad's name was Louis too. Davie was a silly little boy with glasses and he could be scary at times but also scared at times.
One year, Davie went to Australia. While in Australia, Davie ate a lot of weird stuff. From shark fin to vegemite, Davie had some tasty-weird food and some icky-weird food. But food wasn't the only weirdness Davie experienced in Australia.
While in Australia, Davie heard about a legend while sitting around a campfire late one night, dingoes howling in the distance. Someone told of the Space Bunyips. The are very similar to their earth counterparts except for two main things: their fur is green and they live in space.
The description of the Space Bunyips wasn't the scary thing, though. The legend of the Space Bunyips was the truly terrifying thing to Davie. He was told that the Space Bunyips, in fits of intergalactic rage, would swoop down in their Bucket-Ships and kidnap unsuspecting boys around Davie's age and harvest their saliva.
Trembling, Davie left the campfire for the comfort of his hotel, keeping an eye on the dark skies for any hints of Bucket-Ships carrying enraged Space Bunyips. But, when Davie reached the automatic doors of his hotel, he stopped watching for a second, instead focusing his attention on opening the doors with his Jedi-mind-force. But, the split second was all the Space Bunyips needed to zap him up into their Bucket-Ship. Knocked out cold, Davie was flown away.
When Davie came to, six Space Bunyips were crowded around him. Terrified, Davie tried to get away but was thwarted by the small confinement and Space Bunyips blocking the exit. Timidly, Davie pleased "please let me go!"
Confused, the Space Bunyips shrugged then the shortest said "th' bukkit haz u."
Still afraid, Davie replied "yes, I see that. But can I leave?"
The Space Bunyips looked sad. Quietly, the shortest one said "th' bukkit haz us 2."
Davie paused, trying to come to terms with what they short Space Bunyip had told him. "Wait. So you guys are prisoners of this Bucket-Ship too?"
Knowingly, all six Space Bunyips nodded. The short one then said "wii wur captured liek pokémanz bai th' eevul Bukkit-Ship liek u, Deyvee."
With this information, Davie and the Space Bunyips set to plotting their escape. After many days, saving their soap rations and practicing their walrus calls, they decided they were ready. They all stood on a tiny table, the Bunyips using their salivating skills to fill the Bucket-Ship with spit. Then they added their saved-up soap. Using very helpful whisks, Davie and the Space Bunyips whisked the saliva and soap into bubbly oblivion. The Bucket-Ship angry with the soapy saliva in it began to look for a place to discharge it's contents. When Davie gave the signal, he and the Space Bunyips started frantically making walrus noises. Suddenly the Bucket-Ship began whimpering and was thrashing from side to side. Davie and the Space Bunyips clung to each other in fear. Relief flooded the disgruntled team of Bunyips and boy as a walrus looked in the Bucket-Ship and saw them.
The walrus set Davie and the Space Bunyips free. After they thanked the helpful walrus, they parted and just barley heard the walrus say "now i haz mai bukkit bak." With that, Davie and the Space Bunyips returned to their homes. But when Davie tried to convince his friends that he was abducted and met Space Bunyips, they didn't believe him. But Davie knew.
The End

How Harry Potter (and Twilight) Should Have Ended

The world had only half left Harry's mouth when Cedric Diggory popped in between Harry and Voldemort. There was a cry of "CEDWARD" from a group of girls who, out of sheer giddyness, conjured up a mass of apples and red ribbons. Cedric hushed them with a wave of his hand and spoke.
"You all believed me dead! But the Dark Lord did not cast the killing curse on me! NO! He, with his new tongue, slipped and shouted 'Avada KaDiva' which turned me into what I am! A SPARKLY VAMPIRE!"
A number of the fangirls fainted as Cedward stepped into a patch of light shining in through the broken wall and his skin began to sparkle. Voldemort's mouth twitched.
"You claim that I did this to you," Voldemort calmly asked.
Harry stood, dumbfounded.
"Yes! And I have never felt better! In fact, I have found a fabulous bride whose clumsiness rival's that of Tonks's! She's so plain that she's beautiful! She smells like strawberries! She even attracts werewolves like Tonks did! But my Bella is far more fabulous!"
"Very well," Voldemort sighed. "But the Dark Lord does not tolerate glittery-vampires-who-lived! AVADA KADAVRA!"
Harry couldn't say that he was sad to see him go this time around. But the same couldn't be said of the fangirls. That moment would later be known as the fangirl-cry heard 'round the world. They brandished their wands and began slinging Glitterskin hexes and Ambereye charms at the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters but Voldemort's army was far superior. Fangirls were dropping dead left and right while the Death Eaters were fine.
"Got any twos," Harry asked Neville.
"Nope. Go fish."
"Sure is sad about that Cedric fellow. Avada Kadiva, that's got to be a fate worse than death," Ginny said.
"He might even be worse than Lockheart," Hermione retorted. "At least Lockheart didn't go on and on about some muggle he loved."
From a far corner of the great hall, the last fangirl fell.
"Oh, they're gone" Harry asked, startled. "Well. Back to the battle then. Thanks for taking care of the pest problem, Voldy."
Voldemort glared.
"They're rabid, they are," said Ron. "Just like Lavender."
Hermione surpressed a giggle with a glare.
"AVADA KADAVRA" and "EXPELIARMUS" Voldemort and Harry cried, together. But Voldemort's wand flew out of his hand and Harry's Seeker skills enabled him to catch it with ease. Voldemort dropped dead.
And with that, Harry and Ginny had kids and named them after the people Harry loved most. Ron and Hermione were somehow in love and had kids too. Neville started teaching Herbology and Avada Kadiva became the fourth unforgivable curse.
The end.

The Three Rogues

This is part 3 of the Gustav trilogy

Three rogues wandered a distant galaxy. Mysteries pressed in on them: what was the volume of human node? Why weren't there any Television stickers near them? And were there any answers? Answers were what they sought. The three rogues, two tall, one both short and small, were clothed in long, black, hooded robes that hid their true identities: A young boy named Matt, a young girl named Emi and a young mustache named Gustav. They tramped along the galaxy, looking for answers and pranking people.
"We need answers," Gustav said. "This needs to be resolved."
Gustav was the most roguish of his comrades, you see, for once, a long time ago he was shaved off of Matt's face by vengeful zombies and was only allowed to live by becoming a zombie himself. However, being a zombie, he resented his own life (seeing as his brother zombies had hated him so much in the first place) and tried to do away with himself more than once. But being undead, it was easier said than done.
"We need answers," Matt agreed. "This needs to be resolved."
They trekked further, in hopes of finding a zombie or friendly, teal-marker bearing alien. No hope found them, though, for many moons. They stumbled around on a large rock that was about 71% water as far as surface area went.
Emi walked up to the first living being she found.
"We need answers," she said. "This needs to be resolved." She gestured toward Gustav's cloaked form.
The leaves just swayed in the breeze.
Confused by the life form's lack of response, the three rogues walked in the opposite direction. Gustav turned back, wanting to hurt the annoying life form but Matt and Emi urged him on. They continued to seek life forms that could hold the answers to the questions they had.
They finally reached a city. Matt and Emi were suddenly hit with a wave of familiarity but Gustav only wanted to hit something else. They entered the city and then entered a building. Matt and Emi went up to the counter.
"We need answers," Matt said, pulling back his hood. "This needs to be resolved." He pointed at his face.
The man at the counter flipped a cup around before pouring juice in it. Two watched in wonder while Gustav watched in anger while the man added more things to the cup. A dash of paprika, a book, some lime zest, and sticky notes. The cup's contents were dumped into a blender and then whirred into a blended oblivion. When the machine quieted down, the man poured the mixture back into the cup and slid it to Matt.
Curious, Matt and Emi sniffed the cup. It smelled like cupcakes. Go figure. Content with his sleuthing nose's findings, he sipped.
There was a bolt of lavender lightning and then the lights went out. Everyone in the Juice Bar turned to look at Matt. Matt, however, was flopping on the floor lie a fish.
"We need answers," Emi screached at the man. "This needs to be resolved!"
The man just looked at Matt, a bored expression on his face. Matt continued to flop. A flutter of black cloth fell to the floor but all eyes were glued to Matt. Another bolt of the strange, lavender lightning zipped across Matt's face and, surprisingly, left behind a trail of hair that looked surprisngly like Gustav.
The lights flashed back on.
Matt stood up.
Gustav was not in his cloak.
Matt and Emi stared at Matt's face curiously.
The ingredients, they realized, were all the things they needed to reverse zombie-ism and put a shaved-off mustache back on a boy's face.
Emi hugged Matt.
Suddenly, they knew.
21.6 decibels. They were at the store. Only when you don't expect it.
"We have answers," they concluded. "This is resolved."

Gustav The Mustache

This is part 2 in the Gustav trilogy

Gustav The Mustache

There once was a mustache. It lived on a very reluctant boy's face. People teased and tormented the boy about his silly mustache. The boy couldn't take it any more. So the boy, Matt was his name, expressed to his trusted sister that he should shave it off. The sister, however, was horrified.
"You can't shave it off," she cried. "It has feelings too!"
Through a very strange series of events, Matt and his sister, Emi, came to an understanding of the mustache. The 'it' was really a he. A he named Gustav. Emi and Matt were amazed at this strange creature living right on Matt's face. Their amazed state was only topped by the surprise they felt when Gustav talked to them.
"You can't shave me off," Gustav said. "I have feelings too!"
Emi and Matt were convinced.
They all became friends with one another and Gustav and Emi even tried dating for a little while. But Matt always seemed to be in the way. So they put their feelings aside, just until they could work something out.
One day, Emi suggested that Matt shave Gustav off and give him to her.
"You can't shave Gustav off," Matt cried. "I have feelings too!"
(Matt didn't tell her that she would look silly with a mustache anyway).
Emi wasn't willing to risk her friendship with Matt just to have Gustav so she let it go.
A few days later, Matt, Emi and Gustav were walking in the park when suddenly Gustav pulled 6 balloons out of Matt's left cheek. They all stared in wonderment. Then, Gustav pulled a teal maker out of Emi's right shoulder. Some snowflake confetti came raining out of Matt's hair when Gustav commanded it to. These were all the things needed to make friends, they realized! Gustav, Matt and Emi all wanted friends.
"We can't shave Gustav off," they all cried. "I have feelings too!"
So at midnight, Matt, Emi and Gustav ran into the middle of the street and threw the confetti around, having some grand confetti-ball fights and yelled "SNOWSTORM" so loud it woke up the entire neighborhood. The residents all came streaming out of their houses. Matt, Emi and Gustav were ready, teal markers in hand to mark the good, friend-worthy people from the zombies.
The zombies weren't too happy about being drawn on, though.
Matt, Emi and Gustav ran toward the pier, hoping to be able to shove the zombies off of it. The zombies quickly overtook them.
Matt and Emi convinced the zombies of the truth, that Gustav had made all the markers and confetti appear.
The zombies were convinced they should shave Gustav off.
"You can't shave me off," Gustav cried. "I have feelings too!"
Emi and Matt were convinced.
The zombies weren't.
The zombies ruthlessly shaved Gustav off.
The zombies celebrated.
Gustav mourned the loss of his life.
Emi mourned the loss of her love.
Matt mourned the loss of his friendly mustache.

An Unusual Love Story

This is part 1 in the Gustav trilogy.

There was a Giraffe named Shelby. She had a long neck and liked to eat leaves (which freaked some people out).
There was also an Elephant named Ralf. He had big ears that he liked to wave and a trunk that he liked to fill with water and shoot at people.
One day they met.
"I think you're kinda special," Shelby told Ralf. "Just like soup."
Ralf thought that was the most romantic thing he had ever heard.
They fell in love and got married.
At their wedding, Ralf told Shelby something.
"I think you're kinda special," he said. "Just like soot."
Shelby was flattered.
While they were riding off into the sunset, they realized something though. They both wanted a child but they weren't sure what this child would be. After all, Shelby was a giraffe and Ralf was an elephant. A normal child a giraffe and elephant do not make.
So they decided to put off having a child.
"I think you're kinda special," Shelby said one day a few years down the road. "Just like sardines."
And with that sentence, Ralf realized that whatever their child was, they would love it all the same.
And a few months later, Shelby was expecting.
They at once panicked. They would love the child but how would the child feel about his strange being and origins?
With nothing to do but wait and prepare themselves, Shelby and Ralf waited and prepared themselves.
When Shelby gave birth, it was to a beautiful baby mustache which they named Gustav.
"I think you're kinda special," they told him. "Just like Santa."
Gustav however, being a baby mustache, had no idea what this meant.
And thus, Gustav, the baby of Shelby the Giraffe and Ralf the Elephant ran away from home to go find a young boys face.