Friday, September 17, 2010

Princess Gini and the Gummy Bears

This was written for a dear friend's 19th birthday. I do hope that she enjoys it! I wrote this all in one sitting (quite rare) and probably in under 15 minutes (rarer still). So. 1:30am does good things for my brain, I guess.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Gini who lived in the grandest of kingdoms accurately named Grandeststand. She had long blonde hair and soft green eyes and she loved to write. One day, in her favorite garden, Princess Gini entertained herself by blowing bubbles. Her favorite way to blow them was to take the biggest bubble wand, dip it in then twirl around and watch the bubbles surround her. However, Princess Gini wasn’t alone. A gummy bear was watching her! When Princess Gini realized this, she called the gummy bear out of hiding. He introduced himself as Grrfurl. They blew bubbles together.
After a few weeks of friendship, Grrfurl shared with Princess Gini why he was in her garden. He explained that he had run away from home because his land, Spoonwarts, was being terrorized by people who ate gummy bears! Outraged by this horror, Princess Gini set out on her horse, Willow, with Grrfurl to reclaim Spoonwarts for the gummy bears.
The trek was long and the hills were mediocre, but somehow Princess Gini found the courage to keep going. When the dynamic duo finally made it to Spoonwarts, Princess Gini was appalled at what she saw. What Grrfurl told her was true! People WERE eating Grrfurl’s people! Princess Gini pulled out her bubbles and began to capture the villainous fiends inside of shiny, spherical prisons. The leader was singled out and Princess Gini began her plan for reform.
But when Princess Gini first saw the leader, she swooned so fiercely she almost fell over! He was atrociously handsome! After overcoming her mysterious attraction to the brute, she began small talk to get things rolling. She introduced herself and learned that he was Prince Haree, the only heir to Santabelly, the kingdom neighboring her own. She reasoned with the leader day and night but couldn’t seem to get him to understand.
Finally, on the third day, she got through to him. She explained that while, yes, gummy bears can be eaten, that doesn’t mean that they don’t have lives and wives and loves and fun all their own! Prince Haree finally understood. He agreed to stop the ruthless genocide of the gummy bears and promised to never harm Spoonwarts again.
Prince Haree was freed and Grrfurl decided to stay with his people. So Princess Gini headed home. However, Prince Haree was headed the same way. And, DUH, they decided to travel together. On their long, mediocre-hill filled trek home, Prince Haree decided that Princess Gini was beautiful, had nice eyes, a good laugh and made some pretty awesome cheese-covered bagles. So he asked her to marry him.
Overcome with feelings of fluff and flaph, Princess Gini agreed on one term: Prince Haree must promise to only wear black and green socks. And he must buy her a ring that looked like a tiara. Because they’re pretty much awesome.
The wedding took place within at least a year. And then they lived happily ever after in their combined kingdom of Santastand. Or maybe Grandestbelly. Whichever.
The End.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Dear Nicky-Nick

Written for a good friend's 18th birthday.

It was a dark and stormy night… It a TV studio! The actors were on set doing a run-through. Not actually filming. The step just before filming. Exciting, right? Not really. Anyway. The story was about a plumber, an intimidating college professor, a queen and a moral fence. Even the writer wasn’t exactly sure how it was going to work out. But that’s okay. He just kept munching his foreign celery. It was kind of an obsession of his. Korean celery, African celery, he just loved celery! Though his current favorite was Russian celery. Anyway.
“AAH!” screamed the actor playing the plumber.
“AAH!” screamed the actor playing the queen.
You see, they were watching a scary movie late at night. They were the best of friends. Yup. The plumber and the queen. It was an odd friendship, the writer admitted. But. They were introduced by an intimidating college professor who knew that both of them were on the same moral fence: are hamburgers delicious? However, this dark and stormy night, there was conflict.
“Foie gras is better!” the plumber cried.
“No! Ground beef is where it’s at!” the queen insisted.
They were totally off book now. So the writer and the director and the other people left the TV set and went home. The plumber and queen continued to argue…
And then the author scrapped the idea and started over.
It was a dark and stormy night… When two psychos were somehow friends. You see, they had been friends ever since they were unborn. Their moms met in childbirth classes. There were something you could call fetus friends. Anyway. They grew to be friends even after they were born! They went putt putting and swimming at McDonalds (don’t ask me how) and they even went to school together. But one day, they decided to do something cool. No. They decided to do something COOLER than cool. They wanted to LIVE in a VIDEO GAME. It was the ultimate dream. The man-psycho, Nick, wanted to live in Aion. And the lady-psycho, Emi, thought it would be kinda cool to live in Hyrule. So they set off to do the impossible.
They searched for years. They turned five, then ten, then fifteen. And that year they discovered a glitch! They could enter the world of RUNESCAPE. Excited and thrilled, the two transported via rune magic (“Senventior Disthine Molenko!”) to Lumbridge. From there, they branched out, acquired rune pickaxes and began to mine the ore they would need to build their machine. After mining and smelting and smithing and all, they finally had what they needed. They could build their machine.
With a little more rune magic and a talisman, they constructed their machine. It was great, it was grand! And hopefully, it would work. But it didn’t look like a telephone booth.
And then they had a spat.
But then the just sorta became friends again. Which was kinda odd. But good.
Their machine wasn’t mentioned, though. They would stay up late watching movies and trying to teach penguins to fly. And discussing “I don’t even game” games. It was quite interesting. But then they got close to turning 18. And their dream still hadn’t died. They began to plot and toil on their machine again. They didn’t go back to Runescape for more supplies, though. Just for a bit of fun, now and then. They had gotten pretty beast in that world and it wasn’t that much fun anymore.
They worked randomly discussing mac’n’cheese pizzas, how not to get killed in Aion and why what you wear in these games seems so important. And finally, their work paid off. Their fabulous machine was built and functional! It could teleport them into video games! Nick and Emi tried it out and were adventurous and beast at the games they played!
And then the machine got packed away because they were both going to college.
But they made a promise to not forget the fun adventures and the beast-ness that they shared. Because, oddly, they were friends. And that was pretty darn magical itself. More magical than a video game machine or mac’n’cheese pizza. And mac’n’cheese pizza… Well. That’s pretty magical.
The end.